Me and some of my friends are in a big dilemma. All of us think that one of our friends is with a wrong guy and her decision to marry him is the biggest mistake of her life. But none of us know how to or even whether to tell her.
I have heard it from couple of elderly people that they did not comment on their children's choice of partner in spite of having a bad feeling (which eventually proved to be true) because "everyone has to learn from their own mistakes".
But then I'm thinking if we see a loved one walking blindly towards a speeding car, we scream and warn them because we do not want them to get hurt.
Is it only physical injury about which we can warn against, but we have to let them suffer and learn when it comes to emotional injury?
If you think that a loved one is choosing a wrong life partner, do you/will you tell them?
If your friends tell you that you are choosing a wrong life partner, will you appreciate that?
15 comments:
i will be the first one to go and tell her/him!!!
i did tat earlier too and was criticized for the same but doesnt matter, iwill do it and wont see a friend of mine falling for a wrong guy/girl!!!
Cheers!!!
Thanks Ankur, but you didn't answer my second question.
Interesting Q P.....
Will i tell sum1 that they are with the wrong person, depends on why i think (s)he is wrong. If its just a gut feeling and no valid reason...then no , I won't do it.
Same applies for people who want to tell me that i'm with the wrong person.They have to justify and give me a reason. It can't be just what they think/feel."
oh.. i thought my answer will suffice even the 2nd one...
i do appreciate my friends telling me wats write and wats not, generally m kinda person who takes everything and yet sometimes show disagreement also knowing they r right...
but yes, i would love my friends to tell me tat... and then i may think, discuss abt it...
Also the fact that i many a times dont consider past like usual, i discount it n many a times friends tell u d things abt past only (not necessarily)
Glad u asked me :)
Cheers!!!
Well, its tricky. If you do it outright, you can very easily be misunderstood. So if you really care about this person, you gotta find a subtle way to make her realize it on her own. coz in matters of the heart, she will listen only to her own heart, not to your head.
I am not quite sure if I would. Sometimes people are blinded in love and may misunderstand your intentions, or worse, cut off ties with you. If my friends told me that, I would ponder a lot over it. But knowing me, I would probably become extremely paranoid and still go ahead with my decision.
Thanks guys for all your honest opinion.
Even though we would like to tell her, we decided that we won't. The reason is that she knows all the reasons that are bothering us. They bother her too and that is why she told us about them. She wants to be with him knowingly. So she IS listening to her heart over her brain. And as most of you said, in such case, it won't matter what we think.
Hope things will change for better with time.
how do u define a guy to be bad or worse ?
Ashu, I don't define anyone as bad or worse. I just think someone to be 'wrong for someone specific'. To me its all about compatibility. A person who is good for me could be totally wrong for you, because each person is different.
In case of my friend, we think the guy is wrong because they have very different life principles. I think changing or adjusting habits is possible and many time needed, but changing or adjusting principles is fatal.
this post kinda scares me coz I know of a frd of mine who's lost her mind over her guy and is gonna tie the knot inspite of havin witnessed sum violent outburts of his..marriage thing is a very big decision and i think highly personal..yu need to prolly tell her diplomatically abt this coz a direct confrontation cud strain ur ties with her.
oh n i would MORE than appreciate if my friends (the sensible ones;) told me sumthin like I chose the wrong life partner..I might not change my decision or I even might but yes i appreciate frankness and I really like to be cared about. Who doesnt :)
If you think that a loved one is choosing a wrong life partner, do you/will you tell them?
I did not once, when i should've, and regret it to date. Not that it would've necessarily changed things for my friend, but i still wish i had been more vocal when i had the chance.
If your friends tell you that you are choosing a wrong life partner, will you appreciate that?
yes, i will. (i have too, Although more in retrospect than at that exact time)
of course, if it has to be packaged in a way that is acceptable. most of us fail to accept such advice when we are very involved with the person in question, (So in love or whatever) and get defensive when someone tries to question our choice or judgement. so i think i would sit my friend down and have a mature calm discussion, as against an emotional one where i am more overcome by my concern for my friend and fail to get my point across. even so, its imp to be emphatic and not just mild and polite.
i just read your replies to other commenters after commenting. so i guess its a shut case then. i'd still encourage you to give your friend a little shaking-down, ask her to strongly evaluate things and assure here that its never too late to change ones mind, or wait it out.
even if its just a bad feeling, but a really intense one... let them know!.. I would do it. while adding that its just my view and they may differ. at the end of the day, its the friend's call. but if i truly love and care for the friend, i'd let them know.
its only obvious that i would expect them not to get offended, because i myself would not be offended if my close friend walks up to me with such an opinion
@ Elusive, TGFI & Crimson feet: Thanks for your advice. I would like my friends to tell me too. So I tried to make her think. She stopped telling me her problems after that. She told another friend that she knows it will be difficult, but she just can't bear to be not be with him. So, we decided to not say anything any more. No point of stopping someone who is knowingly jumping in front of the car.
Maybe she will survive..love and relationships have strange equations.
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