In my previous post, I mentioned that we should not give up on a relationship when maybe putting in some extra effort can save the relationship. But one needs to know when such effort is useless. In case of some people, it can be the other extreme where they tolerate too much. I can think of one such person.
This girl is an engineer with a nice job in a reputed company in India. She had an arranged marriage. At the time of the wedding, her parents gave 35 lakh rupees, 50 tola of gold jewelery, all kinds of household things plus the other usual stuff. Even after this huge dowry, the guy kept asking for a computer, a car and some family property.
My first thought was "Why did she marry a guy who asked for dowry?"
If asking for dowry was not enough, he and his family wanted a son. The girl gave birth to a daughter. The guy never visited his daughter in the hospital and never took her home. The daughter lives with the grandparents.
At this point you would think that now she should definitely leave him.
No, she didn't. She kept going back and forth between her parents' and in-laws' houses so that she can give time to both her husband and kid.
Ok, even this is not the end of the story. After all this, they had a second baby!!!!
By this point I was sure that she must be dead inside. How else can someone agree to have another baby with such a creep?
And guess what, the second child is also a girl. So last time I heard she was still going back and forth between the two houses. Both the kids live with the grandparents.
I don't personally know her but I know her sister. When I asked the sister why they are tolerating this extreme nonsense. She said "If she gets a divorce, then no one will marry me (the sister)". The sister is a self-dependent grad student in US!!!
In my previous post I said that we need to be more tolerant to make a relationship work but this much tolerance is definitely a sin.
13 comments:
well this is the extreme... she sould divorce wihtout giving a thought...blasphemy!!!... idiot..haha..but i could not stop lauging..haha 45 laks and 50 tolas...hahah..and he wants a Kampoooter Hhahhahahaha lmao.....
Guys can be assholes... not al guys though.. I am not.... I am good.. ** gives a wwinning smile****
haha...well i hope all the best..and well those 2 doaughters should grow up and surpass taht sick guy... no to the guy...u never know maybe he is being forced by his family... so sick family too....
My enduring spirt is phurrrrr... and dnt want to spoil my dear blog..so have started a new one..ull get it from my pprofile...
cheerz and take care and say hi to J bhai too
We are not in any position to pass any judgments on anyone and their situation. Divorce is viewed very differently by different people in different strata of society. Her reality may be that no one will marry her. Who knows? I have several divorcee friends who are having a hard time finding partners and their families still hang their heads in shame in society. We may be changing. Not everyone is. I invite you to read my post "Single No More" on psychobabble.
I'm a li'l confused...not abt the post...but wat u thot abt my comment.I'm not suggesting tht a gurl should tolerate anything n everything.
Just to reiterate..i think there is a thin line between tolerting all the crap and being totally non-tolerant. To strike tht balance is not easy.n im saying one shldnt give up on marriage w/o giving it a shot.
I come from a fmly which is dead agnst dowry n so am i. WE feel it reflects sumthing abt the guy!
A frend of mine who just turned 24,is an MBA working in a good company,wit a great pay is gettin married on the 28th of Apr. 18 lacs + a whole bunch of other stuff is the dowry! i find it crazzzzzy yeah...
But each person u'stands their situation the best.It easy for us to comment on it being the 3rd person.
ughhh!such stuff makes my guts squirm..such creeps do exist n I really feel sorry for women who havta deal wit 'em..gettin a divorce is easier said than done for many women in India..thr can be many complications..
Also, the thing I said about putting in efforts..sometimes it makes me feel like if you r puttin in efforts to make sumthin work where does "love" feature?
Shouldn't love be above all and take care of everything? Why does one need to put in ANY efforts ever..Oww there I go..heart takin over my brains..but then shudnt heart rule in matters of the heart? Too complicated this.
What??? Shit like this happens in this day and age??!!!
@ samby: yes I agree with you, but like others have pointed out maybe we cannot judge others. Everyone is not built in the same manner and cannot think of protesting. Wish they did though.
I will visit your blogs soon.
@Solitaire: Yes, you are right I guess. I shouldn't judge her because she grew up in a totally different kind of family. She is concerned that no one will marry her sister if she is a divorced. Her own re-marriage is probably not even in her wildest imagination.
@ Pavi: No no I didn't think that at all. You mentioned the thin line between tolerating nonsense and not putting in enough effort. This just made me think about how some people tolerate too much nonsense. Maybe I'll rephrase my post when I get some time next.
@ Elusive: Well, in an Utopian world love should be enough, but in reality we need to put in effort. How much ever we love others, there are certain things that we do not like. For instance, my friend doesn't like that her husband doesn't read or watch serious cinema. In a long run, this is making her sad because she cannot discuss a book or movie with him. She appreciates that he is loving and caring etc etc. So in such situations, one needs to put an effort to adjust because no one can match the image of our perfect partner.
@ Carolinagal: yes, apparently it is not that uncommon in many Indian states. I was as shocked as you when I heard about her because in my family, even my grandparents didn't take dowries or had problem with girl children :)
argggghhhh!! i hate the lady and her family more than that creep shes married to...
having that mindset is not only foolish but suicidal...
i pity the sister who thinks this way...what makes her soo sure someone will marry her with her crappy thinking?? blah!!
P.S: i dont believe in feeling sorry for anyone who is foolish...
i do get angry at such ppl though :-/
well... only one thing i disagree with u in the whole post, taking divorce is not so easy... :-/
The society has lot of role to play in this, the indian society hasnt grown up tat much yet, we dont think of divorcies tat great yet, and it will take time i guess hen ppl ill start accepting facts...
Talking abt the dowry part, i have never understood such things, why in this world when god has given u 2 hands to earn for ur own and better half u want more n more... is this greed ever gonna end???
I dont think so... ppl take dowry with wat not name.. and then they justify it... some give it a basic name of society....
Grow up man... start feeding urself... dont be a parasite and then also so cruel to kill!!!
gosh...i just hate them... :(
Cheers!!!
..i think the girls family is also to blame - they need to give her the support to walk out of it.
sigh. people.
@ Pri and Cynic: You are right. The parents are to be blamed most in this case. They have enough educational qualifications and money, but they were never taught to think that they can be independent people. For both the girls, having a husband is the ultimate nirvana because that is what their parents keep telling them.
@ Ankur: Divorce is never easy, but hearing mean things from random people should be much easier than taking serious nonsense from close people, specially husband. At least that's what I feel.
But yes, not everyone can go against the society even if it means being really unhappy all the time.
sigh...this is just a very sorry state of affairs! I thought all this must have been put to an end by now! Its so frustrating :(
@ AM: Nope. Things haven't changed much. Really unfortunate.
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