Yesterday I went to lunch with my host family (a local American family who volunteers to help international students during their stay in this university). The family consists of an old lady (S), her daughters, son and daughter-in-law (V).
Now S is a really nice person. She is extremely helpful, never judgmental or interfering, always politically correct, highly intellectual and well-read (knows much more about Indian history and current affairs than I do!) and an activist for social and environmental causes. In simple words, she is someone whom anyone can instantly respect.
V was my fellow PhD student who completed her degree just couple of months ago.
During our lunch yesterday, I was amazed to see that S kept making V feel bad about the fact that she does not have a post doc offer and highlighting that I have one. I know how bad it feels when you don't have a job and people ask about it, let alone compare with someone else. I can only imagine how bad she felt when a family member was embarrassing her in front of an outsider. V just sat there quietly.
Its not that S has reasons to be ashamed of V. V is very intelligent (she actually made me nervous with her knowledge during a class we took together and she even co-authors a paper in Nature!!). Its just that she can afford to be picky about the job (she doesn't have to worry about visa issues) and so she is taking her time to find the best possible option.
The thing that made me angrier is when one of her daughters came back to town couple of years ago after resigning from her job, S was just too happy to have her back and even let her stay with her for many months.
I would think someone like S will be equally nice to her daughter and daughter-in-law, but I felt that the mother-in-law gene can get activated even in the nicest women. Sigh!
17 comments:
Not the first instance I am seeing :( Kya karein, there's always a difference between "apna khoon" and the "other woman's daughter" :(
mother - in - laws are horrible (the one i encountered at least)
scary, isn't that? i mean, someday if i have a son.. would i be like that as well?
i hate them tooo
That's why I want a daughter and only a daughter. I dont want to be the mean mom in law!
its not genetics...i think it psyche...like "sumone else's daughter" stuff!!!
Really?Americans are also like this?
This is another reason why im hoping to have a gurl and not a boy....
well see... all u can do is... resolve that u wnt be doing this if u become a mother in law..baki i dnt think its appropriate for u to meddle in their affairs... cheerz :-)
Didn't you try to pacify her on your part by saying how intelligent her DIL is?
I remember one aunty trying to put her DIL down and praise her son on how many prospects he had etc. I said, oh my, you should have seen the no. of guys,that too all rich and very successful who were after her. I think S(her son) is a really good person and he deserved her. She agreed that both of them deserved each other finally.
yus they all do that i guess. somewhere i think people are conditioned to GIVE daughter away. But no one ever speaks about GIVING the son away. so that tug of war continues till doomsday which manifests itself like this.
most of the times, ppl are judge either by academics, job or materialstic possesions!!
few are above those, they do what they like, not caring abt wat ppl think!!
i appreciate V!! :)
Cheers!!!
P.S. and sometimes future beholds a lot!! :)
@ AM: yeah. unfortunate isn't it?
@ ashu: sorry you had such bad experience. I've seen some good ones, but yeah there's always a subtle discrimination, specially if they have a daughter.
@ rayshma: I thought exactly the same thing!
@ buzz: Don't hate them. Its just one of the human nature. of course, I'm not talking about the torturing kind.
@ Solitaire: Good plan. Do you know how to implement that? :)
@ comfortably numb: yeah I know. Wasn't serious about the gene part :)
But do you know many behavior patterns are under control of genetics too? My friend has been studying the genetics of what makes some males enthusiastic about wooing females, while others sit in corner with no interest :)
@ Pavi: Yeah I was surprised too. Hope you get your wish :)
@ Samby: I didn't say anything to them. I was just surprised by the incident. So I wrote it here as a note to myself and others like me who might become a MIL in future.
@ Arunima: No I didn't say anything. S actually has no real problem with V marrying her son. It was just this one incidence of being insensitive. Besides I'm not that close to any of them to discuss such personal things with them.
@ cynic: Thats a good explanation. So I guess we need to start programming ourselves and others in our generation to give away sons too. I like this plan!
@ ankur: Yeah. I appreciate her too for sticking to her plans.
Hi ,
I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be wow.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘brain dump’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;
BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!
This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)
Cheers,
Hi Ray!
Thanks for the nice words about my writing :) I don't really care about popularity of my blog. I realize that takes good amount of effort and dedication. I just come here to take a break from my stressful life. Don't really feel like working hard here as well :) But I'll definitely checkout your website.
Keep visiting!
wow, didn't think the mil gene extended to all reaches of humanity. this is kinda screwed up. i guess its just a selfish thing, wanting their own children to have the best of everything, and supporting only them when they're in a bad patch...
Mother in laws are the same everywhere.. u were shocked? sigh..its part of life now..but i have learned the trick of the trade....
Post a Comment