Uncertainty is the Killer

O good-news-about-jobs, please, please, come my way soon. Any one of you will do. This uncertainty and fear of being jobless is killing me.

Characterless is NOT equal to Cool

Why does Indian media portray all the wrong habits as 'being cool' these days?

Chain smoking, drinking until one pukes, substance abuse, using filthy bad words in every sentence, having no attachment relationships, extra-marital affairs, wearing provocative clothes and dancing in most vulgar ways, being violent...all seem to be the essential characters for anyone to be popular and desirable now. I agree that they eventually show a 'good heart' in these characters, but I am afraid most people only learn the first part. I am seeing an alarming rate of these characters seeping into my younger cousins and family friends. It's not that people from my generation or earlier ones didn't do all these things. But, there seemed to be sense of shame attached to all these habits and people tried to keep their bad habits as secrets. But the younger people today seem to really think these things are 'cool' and are proud to showcase their habits!

My cousin, who is learning photography to be a professional, did her first practice photo-shoot that shows a guy smoking in most of the photos. She asked my opinion on the pics and I said I don't like the subject. She was really surprised and then said that she likes 'macho men'. When I asked "What's macho about filling your and everyone's lungs with poison?", she had no answer and said "Just relax. It's not that serious. It's cool." Hmm.

My Indian neighbor's son, who is in his early 20s and is a otherwise normal decent guy, has no problem using bad words, talking about girls as if they are objects, about pot smoking etc. openly on social networks with his friends. I am sure a large majority of guys talk trash with their friends, but I have never seen any of my friends or family members (who are my age or older), talking trash in front of the whole world. I have never heard my father use a single bad word in my life, and the only time I have heard J use some slang is when his college roommate calls, but that too he always goes in a different room to take the call.

When I read blogs, I see a lot of Indian girls in their 20s talk about being depressed (for standard reasons that people have in 20s in probably every generation), and they describe how they try to forget their sorrow and problems by drinking, smoking and partying, with great pride. Of course they should be proud of handling their problems in life, but shouldn't there be some shame about not being able to handle them in sober state? It seriously bothers me and scares me a lot about my little nieces.

The bad habit that has reached my generation the most seems to be extra-marital affairs. I heard quite a lot of those among my extended circle of friends within past few years, some of which resulted in divorces and breaking families for their little kids. On my recent trip to India, two of my friends jokingly (I hope) mentioned that they are thinking of having one too, so that they don't become the odd ones!

People always blame Western culture. Having lived in US for nearly 9 years now, I have to say we need to stop blaming others and look at our methods. If we do what they are doing in western world, we should also implement strict censorship regulations like them.

A little kid in India can go to their neighboring grocery store and buy cigarettes saying that I am buying it for my dad. In US you have to show a valid ID that tells the shopkeeper that you are over 21 years old. Same goes for alcohol. No will sell or serve alcohol to anyone below 21 years. In nightclubs, they will put a x mark on underage kids' hands so that they are not served any alcohol. I agree many kids go into lot of trouble to bypass the regulations, but at least it stops most of the regular kids from attaining habits that they will regret when they grow older. No such strict regulations exist in India as far as I know.

Just putting an 'A' in a movie certificate or a statuary warning, and bleeping a few things shouldn't be the end of all responsibilities. All movies and programs in US are rated based on age limit (general, 13 yr, 17 yr). Underage kids won't be allowed in a theater and they will be asked for ID if the age is not clear from appearance. For Indian movies, everyone is allowed to go for most movies with their kids of all ages! In US, all programs shown on regular TV before 9 pm are clean and the really bad ones come only after midnight. Cable TV channels do not have all the regulations, but they come with parental lock options. I think they have recently started the parental lock in India, but I haven't seen anyone using it. I noticed many people watching pretty horrible reality shows with their kids! So I guess we also need an education to keep up with the changes in media to safeguard our kids' minds.

But first, we need to stop showing that being characterless is cool. If you need to show someone practicing bad habits in a movie, please highlight that they are doing so because they are weak, confused and lost. Don't make them the popular, desirable person. Please don't make cheating on one's wife to be a fun thing to do.



I am really getting old. I wrote one of my longest post so far ranting on changing times and degrading moral values! :p

Comfortably oblivious?

Me: Your cousin X has posted a new photo of his baby on facebook. Her first tooth came out.

J: Already? She is not even 1 year old yet!

Me: I think the first tooth comes out when babies are somewhere around 6 months old.

J: Really? My first tooth came out when I was in school!

Me (giving a really crazy look): WHAT?? What are you talking about??

J: I remember clearly my first milk tooth fell off when I was in 2nd grade.

Me: Huh! We are not talking about when they first fall off. Her first tooth just came out! She's not toothless anymore.

J (with a really surprised look): You mean babies aren't born with teeth?

Me (after being speechless for sometime): No. Haven't you ever seen any babies in your life????

J: (without any trace of shame) Of course I have. I just never paid attention to their teeth.

Me: Huh!

J: (with an expression that scientists have when they solve a problem) Aaaha! now it all makes sense why babies eat only liquid food when they are really young.


Whom did I marry???

P got to play..at least a little

It has been 6 months since I last posted here!! I often feel like writing but can't think of anything that does not sound like cribbing and whining. So today I am going to look back on my last post and see what are things I got done on my to-do and want-to-do list to make myself happy :)

I need to:

- Round up all lab work meaningfully.

Nope, not done. Seeing some meaning finally and some hope that I will get done in next 6 months, but definitely nowhere near done yet.

- Publish, publish, publish.

Not really done. Submitted two highly over-due papers. The main ones still need to be written up.

- Start applying for jobs.

Applied to 3 jobs. Got rejection from 1 already. Waiting to hear from the remaining 2. It is just so hard to even find a job one wants to apply when one has very specific ideas of the 'the job' but an average CV and a geographical restriction. Totally frustrating!

- Prepare application package which includes

- updating CV

- coming up with a research proposal

- coming up with course ideas for teaching jobs

- writing up my teaching philosophy

- and maybe thinking of finding some funding options for future too

Done except for the funding part. The job application deadlines forced me to finish this, but the quality of the final product is very questionable. So definitely need to improve all the above for future job applications.

- Prepare for the interview process.

Will do when anyone calls me for one :)

Until now it all sounds so morose :( Next ones should be better.

And all I want to do is:

- Go to India and visit my friends and family.

Yes, did this one!! :D :D It was a really short-trip and it was split in two because now I have to spend time with in-laws too. Still managed to meet almost all family and friends in my hometown and had a great time at in-laws place too :) Maybe short and simple trips to home are the way to go :)

- Go on a long vacation somewhere nice.

No long vacation other than the India trip, but got to see little bit of HongKong on our way back...thanks to a 14 hours long layover, easy immigration protocols in HK, and an over-enthusiastic labmate from HK to give confidence and info. Of course lazy J was against the idea at first as usual, but when I told him that it can count as my anniversary gift, he agreed, and at the end of the day, he actually admitted that he enjoyed the outing very much :)

Since the date of my last post, we actually went on another weekend trip to a nice sea-side place not too far from where we live. It was my birthday gift :)

- Do something fun.

I guess all the trips mentioned above covers this one too. A few specific fun moments:

- The long hikes on my birthday trip was most fun.

- Shopping for India trip was fun. Buying gifts for others is so much more fun than personal shopping!

- Going out for Kolkata sight-seeing, dinner and shopping with J and my parents together for the first time was special.

- Taking J and almost my entire extended family for lunch together was interestingly fun.

- Spending second anniversary with J and his whole family on a house-boat in Kerala was marvelous.

- Spending New Year's eve watching Malayalam and some heavily-accented hindi song and dance performances in a small-town Kerala beach resort was hilarious.

- The never-ending cable car ride to some faraway mountain with gorgeous views all around at HK was breath-taking.

- Read lots of non-work stuff.

Not lots off, but read quite a few books in last 2 months as I came back from India with a new stock of Indian-author books :)

Additional achievement..

Learnt how to make some yummy Kerala food from Mrs. M, and somewhat successfully re-created some of them after returning to US. This made her crazy happy and she praised me so much that my sis-in-law got little jealous and started cooking even more than she normally does..he he. When people have very little expectations from you, they get extra happy with your little efforts and achievements :)

OK now I feel much better. Time to go back to work now....

P wants to play :(

I completed my third year as postdoc last month. Everyone including my conscience tells me I need to wrap up my work here and find a 'real job' within the next year. This means I need to:

- Round up all lab work meaningfully.

- Publish, publish, publish.

- Start applying for jobs.

- Prepare application package which includes

- updating CV

- coming up with a research proposal

- coming up with course ideas for teaching jobs

- writing up my teaching philosophy

- and maybe thinking of finding some funding options for future too

- Prepare for the interview process.

And all I want to do is:

- Go to India and visit my friends and family.

- Go on a long vacation somewhere nice.

- Do something fun.

- Read lots of non-work stuff.

When the movies like Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara tells you to live life and all that, they forget to emphasize the fact that these guys could do all that fun stuff only because they had some really nice jobs to pay for those expensive activities!!! Bah!

Life has been busy...

When life is busy, there's little time to think.

When there's little time to think, there's less time to feel sad/worried/angry and all other such emotions that need venting.

Hence, no blogging for long time :)

Health complications feared in last post was not true. Thankfully!

I can now reveal the details of the story...it is quite a story..

I had to go for physical checkup for immigration requirements. I could not use my personal physician as per rules. I had to go to someone the immigration people have listed on their website...mostly very poorly rated doctors. I picked one based on proximity...it's just some routine tests..how bad can it be, right? WRONG.

The doctor was listed as dermatologist/general physician. When I reached his clinic, it was more of a beauty clinic with ads of botox, laser hair removal and such! Anyways, the doctor never showed up. His assistants did all the tests and immunization routine (which was little odd but fine with me). Then they kept delaying my reports for weeks. Finally, the doctor's receptionist-cum-assistant told me I have an infectious STD and I need to go see a specialist!!!!! That was when I blogged last.

After the initial shock I started searching the net. Thanks to my biology background I know I can't possibly have that disease (I am a very faithful girl and I trust my husband too). Thanks to the internet for providing some quick info about the specifics of the disease, and thanks again to my biology education for teaching me how to read lab reports, I realized that my lab report was actually a false positive due to some generic antibodies. The same report clearly showed that the lab has done two more confirmatory test after that to find out I am fine. My personal physician confirmed my findings. Turns out the doctor's receptionist-cum-assistant did not know how to read anything outside what she is used to seeing (a false positive happens 1 in hundreds). She didn't even bother to show the report to her superiors and the superiors didn't even bother to check the report, before telling someone that they have a bad disease!! When I called them back, their attitude was 'oops we missed that'..no real apology..nothing to make it better. On the contrary, it took 2 weeks and several bugging phone calls for them to write a simple fill-in-the-blanks report, that too an incorrect one!! When I got the report, it said that I have history of chicken pox instead of saying I got vaccinated for that disease from them!!!!!!! So I had to go back and make them write one more.

Phew! I am glad I don't have to deal with such 'doctors' on regular basis.

Anyhoo...life is craziness free for now and as mentioned above has been busy.

So what's keeping me busy?

No I'm not expecting :p

- Just started getting better results with my experiments (ref previous frustrated posts). So busy making sense of those results and planning and executing follow-up experiments.

- Went to Florida on a short work trip, but managed to meet up K and her new husband. She seemed quite happy and I don't think I need to worry for her anymore :)

- Also have been busy with some home improvement/ home decoration type of work. My brother-in-law and his family are visiting us in a week. First visitors from anyone from J's family. So time to start acting like 'grown up married people' and make our house look like one where 'grown up married people' live and entertain guests :p

To health..

I don't want any more sickness, new diseases or any kind of health complications.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

On finding THE ONE and keeping him there

No this is not a Valentine's Day post. This is about one of my closest friend who is getting married next month.

Among all my girl friends, K would definitely score the highest in any 'good wife, daughter/sister-in-law' test. She would also score the highest in being girly, romantic, caring, motherly and all such things. In short, she is the Charlotte York of our group. She has been looking for the perfect ONE since high school days, but unfortunately she has only met with severe heartbreaks.

Her high school sweetheart cut all communications with her one fine day..the day after she did not qualify for med school. She didn't even know what happened until she met a common friend who informed her of her own break-up. The guy apparently can only have a doctor wife..hence, the unannounced break-up!! (Even if I can somehow understand the shallowness..he was very young after all..I do not understand how can someone be so coward to just disappear from a relationship?). She kept hoping that he will come back to her one day, but he didn't. He married his med-school classmate after becoming doctors.

K finally started living normally after 6 years of mourning. Then she fell for another guy in her grad school. Their relationship was all nice and good, but this guy could not stand up against his mother's unfair hatred against love marriage of any kind (why does a guy get into a relationship in the first place if he knows his mother will never approve and he knows he cannot go against her? His mother had cut all contact with her own daughter because she married a man of her own choice..so he should DEFINITELY KNOW what his mother is like..but he must be in denial). He just wanted to keep waiting silently until his mother agrees to their relationship. K very graciously removed herself from the relationship saying that she does not want to be the reason for mother-son split, but she kept hoping for him to grow a backbone so that they can be together again....until he sent her his wedding invitation (they decided to remain friends, you see!).

She says she knew the first guy was academically over-ambitious and the second guy couldn't stand up for himself in any circumstances. She never thought these can end the relationships. We, her close friends, fear that she knowingly falls for guys with weak personalities. Somehow she wants to protect and take care of these people and thinks she could make them better people. In the end, they take care of themselves and leave her hanging high and dry.

After about another 5 years of mourning, K met her current fiance. They had a pretty dramatic relationship over the last 3 years including one major break-up. We friends were (to be honest, still are) very skeptical about this guy too. He broke up with her abruptly over some fight, which is not that uncommon in relationships. The thing that bugged us most was that immediately after their split, he went and asked his family to look for a girl for him to marry, and even got engaged to some girl he barely knows. Then after few months he broke that engagement, came back to K and said he was just very angry and doing those things in anger. He said that he still loves K and wants to be with her again. I don't doubt his love, but for a 30+ year old guy he surely sounds scarily impulsive to me! We cautioned K strongly when she got back with him. She assured us that there's nothing to worry about. We certainly hope she is right this time.

The wedding is next month. She is all giddy and happy, posting annoyingly mushy stuff on Facebook :) I can't help but be extremely happy for her. I just hope only good things happen for her from now on. She definitely got her share and more of tears and pain already. She deserves some uncomplicated happiness now. I have more hope in the guy's family than him actually. His sister and mother strongly supported K throughout the break-up phase and also helped in bringing them back together. So hopefully they will help in keeping him in right place for rest of the life too.

I was hoping I would be able to go home next month and attend the festivities, but good old immigration issues make it impossible..again! Anyways, she should be in US soon after the wedding. So I guess I can celebrate then.

Sending all the best wishes your way darling K....

You know technology has taken over your brain when...

...you are dreaming about something (real dream while sleeping at night), and you don't like the dream, and you imagine pressing the fast forward button on your TV remote, and the dream actually plays in fast forward mode.

Happened to me last night!!

Happy Holidays!

One more day of pretending to work and then E-L-E-V-E-N continuous days of mandatory and very happy holidays! :) Now only if the rain stops.

Lost all wisdom and totally bored now

I got all my wisdom teeth extracted on Monday, yes, all 4 of them gone for good. No more pain!!

I have been sitting at home this entire week, swollen and drugged, and I am soooooo bored. I finished all things saved on the DVR. Live TV is so lame during daytime. Looks like American channels assume that only weird people watch TV during daytime! How long can one surf the net randomly or watch youtube videos? I guess I can read a book, but don't really have any easy-read books around. It's hard to focus on serious stuff on all the painkillers.

What do stay-at-home people do keep themselves entertained? Need some easy ideas.

Can some new directions come out of my haphazard thoughts?

I still don't have that Eureka moment. Did lots of reading in last few days. Have come up with a slightly different roundabout approach of solving my problem. Not the best solution, but hope these new experiments work and at least give me some direction.

I should start writing in the meantime. 2 years completed in this post-doc. Time to write down some real papers!

Time to start thinking of jobs hunts too!!!!

The problem is that the current situation works little too well for me. Academically, my current project fits my interests and qualifications perfectly. Personally, the location of my job lets me have a regular life with J. The thought of changing the situation is not very motivating.

What if the job I like and manage to get takes me away from J? I don't want to do long distance relationship again. I have already done my share of that and more!

I know J will move with me, if we have to. But it will be a shame to ask him to do so. Silicon Valley is the best place to be for any software engineer, and he has spent so much of his life establishing himself and forming connections here. How can I ask him to start all over again?

I don't like taking up just any job. I have spent a lot of time and energy on my career too. Will I find something I like here again?

Among all these uncertainties, Mrs. M has already mentioned the baby thing twice. Bah. How can I tell a relatively stranger elderly person that the way she looks at life is not the same way I look at it? I am only used to communicating with my mother who mostly understands me (after all she made me the way I am), or I can yell at her if she even remotely acts like Mrs. Bennet. Does anyone have any suggestions on communicating with mother-in-laws, without being rude?

Stuck

Going in loops trying to solve the same basic problem.

Need an 'Eureka moment'.

BADLY.

Let me talk about some good times now..

Last 2 weeks have been so much fun that I am almost forgetting all my ailments and problematic co-workers mentioned in the last 2 posts. Here are some things I would probably remember forever from past few days:

1. My first trip to Canada. It felt very foreign because I landed first in Montreal (Quebec) and everything was very different from US and even other parts of Canada. Language, people, architecture, street designs, food....everything was French or French-inspired. I so want to learn French now.

2. Presenting my work at a great conference and listening to some great talks from some of the pioneers and upcoming stars in my field. It got even better when some of these people showed interest in my work.

When Dr. R came by my poster I was totally star-stuck and I think I was acting somewhat goofy too :D But after all this is the guy whose book has been my main to-go book for last 5 years and this guy thought my work is cool!!!

And when Prof. M asked me a question after my talk, I didn't even know that it was 'The Prof. M'...the first person to give us the basics in my field in the 1990s. I even explained some basics to her in answer of her question as I would do for any regular audience! :D But she was really sweet and she came up to me after the talk, congratulated me on my work and gave some great input. I am still re-living that moment everyday.

3. Meeting my old labmate and good friend U after 2 years, roaming around in Montreal, and having good pure girlie time. Rooming together, chatting till late hours, sharing fun and horror stories about our respective big fat crazy inter-state Indian weddings in the past year, our new families and of course our new 'husbands'. Sharing stories about our new labs and remembering our times at our old lab, discussing our other friends and of course, our good old advisor man.

4. Meeting some other people from grad school, including one of my favorite prof. He was very formal back in grad school, but now he acted like a senior friend. Gave me a big hug, told me that he is happy to see I'm doing well (he even knew about my recent publications!), had silly conversations about facebook, tracking ex-es and such :) and then just before my talk when I was most nervous he came up to give me encouragement. Made me very happy.

5. J joining me after the conference to go on our second mini-honeymoon. We never had time to go on a real honeymoon after our wedding. So we have recently started going on belated mini ones :) Fun times (including the numerous fights) exploring Montreal, Toronto and Niagara from the other side together.

7. The perfect last day of a perfect trip: Waking up to see sunrise over Niagara Falls from our 28th floor window. Few hours later, crossing a country border via road for the first time. Few more hours, and we get to see an aerial view of the Atlantic Ocean, entire Manhattan island including Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty. Late in the night the very same day, we see a more familiar aerial view...the Pacific Ocean, San Francisco city and the Golden Gate bridge. Finally coming back to own own comfy bed around midnight and falling asleep instantly :)

However, next day we had to get up and go back to work. :( But I am looking forward to the weekend. It is my birthday!!

My bad time continues...

If having weird work problems were not enough, my health is also suddenly failing me from all sides :(

- I have cough and cold since last week.

- I keep having bad back pains. It got really worse when I stupidly tried to do some simple exercises. Now I have to go through physio therapy for next few weeks!!

- My doctor also did a full physical check up on me. Turns out I have hypothyroidism, tendency of diabetes (both run in my family) and low Vit D!!!

I am only 30. I don't want to feel like I am 60. Boo hoo hoo hoo000.

Only positive things I can think about right now are:

- I have been prescribed to spend more time outside, to soak up some Vit D enriched sunlight (=less of dark microscopy labs?)

- Eating lots of fish is recommended (yes I am a Bengali and I love my fish)

- Finally, maybe I can tell the Boss man my sob story highlighting the need for back rest and sunshine and get some 'work from home' days sanctioned.

Hmm..positive thinking really works! I already feel little less depressed :)

Publication personalities

Based on my few years in science research, I can now divide other researchers in the following categories:

The Elites: They have novel ideas, they do (or hire people to do) high quality work to test these ideas, take their time to make it a powerful story and only when they are thoroughly convinced, they send these papers for publication. They usually prefer to publish only in high impact journals. Being at their position (they are usually reputed and established in their field by now), also aids in getting accepted in these high impact journals. They are idols for newbies like me (except when they are being little snobbish).

Quality lovers: They do good science (may not always be the cutting edge ones), they do it honestly and thoroughly, also take their time to make a convincing case. Their goal is to get these papers accepted in high impact journals. Some times they succeed, some times they have to be satisfied with medium level, but still respected journals.

Rapid communicators: They want to publish after every new experiment they do. They are usually not concerned much about the quality, but their research is honest. They do not mind settling for low impact journals. Some times they consciously search for low impact journals so that their paper gets accepted rapidly.

Free riders: They want all the good things, but they don't like paying any price for it. They want to publish sensational papers (that maybe way out of their area of expertise) in high impact journals and they want to publish fast. They want others to do all the hard work and sometimes they take all the credit without acknowledging anyone who actually did the grind work. Some of their practices are borderline unethical. They are not ashamed of their ways. On the contrary they are very bossy with everyone around them.

I believe I fall in the second group.

I dream of becoming a member of the first group some day.

I am fine to co-exist with the third group.

I detest the fourth group, but I am stuck with one of them as an important collaborator for my project!!!!!! Luckily, my boss man is an almost-Elite and has been backing me up throughout. I am highly frustrated, seriously angry and want to hit someone real bad. Instead, I blog :)

Power of positive thinking

"I double my salary by working* half of the time."

- A fellow postdoc, during one of our frequent discussions on the frustratingly low salaries we get in academics.

*=working on the research project, as opposed to sitting in front of the computer pretending to work :)

It's official..I am old

Found my first gray hair today :(

Now the question is 'Chod diya jay ki maar diya jay?'

Kahani kaafi filmy hai

Oct 1999
My papa bought me my first computer as graduation gift.

Sometime in 2001
Initial excitement of new computer dies. I started looking for new things to try. I signed up for something called e-mail buddy (first transition from pen-friend, precursor of networking as well as matrimony sites). I received lots of 'wannabe friends' type mails from frustrated guys, but I also got a handful of nice real pen-friend style mails from guys and girls from different parts of India and even other countries (I am still friends with 5 of them and have met 2 till date).

March 2002:
I got the first e-mail from one of the above mentioned '2'. It was a simple mail showing interest in 'talking' and not dating. For some reason I found the simplicity interesting and honest and I replied. My reply was still full of sarcasm. The response was a one liner but a complete check-mate one liner. I was super impressed. Regular exchange of e-mail starts, then starts chatting (ah, old yim days!). Within few months we were fast friends. We still didn't know each others' real name.

August 2003
I moved to US. I had very few friends and no family in US at that time. My friendship with my anonymous e-mail buddy (AEB) became even stronger as he was also in another part of US. AEB helped me with buying calling cards, laptop and many such things that fresh-of-the-boat Indian students need help with. One day I gave my phone number to AEB because I desperately needed some advice (again to buy something online). AEB called. It was weird to talk for the first time. But then gradually we started calling regularly. It was fun to discover how much we had in common. By now we also knew each others' first name.

December 2003
It was winter vacation and I had nowhere to go. AEB had forced vacation and was planning a Florida trip with friends. His friends canceled last minute and somehow jokingly it was decided that AEB will come and meet me in snowing Ohio!! For the first time we asked each others' full real names.
I thought my parents will kill me. But surprisingly they said ok [I guess they trust me more than I think they should :) ]. I was prepared with knives in my cupboards in case a weirdo turns up.
AEB showed up. After a few awkward minutes it seemed like we were meeting some old-time friend. He stayed in a hotel in town for few days and kept visiting me everyday. Before he left for home, we more or less confessed how much we like each others' company :)

Jan 2004-July 2005
'Confession of likeness' turned into 'let's give this relationship a try' that then turned into 'looks like this might work, we need to tell parents'. All this while living 2000 miles apart, with occasional weekend trips across the country.

July 2005
Parents were notified and luckily they seemed more than happy. However, long-distance relationship continued.

August 2008
I finally finished grad school and moved to the other side of the country. Parents were really excited and demanded instant wedding. I still needed a new visa to visit India. So parents' were snubbed every time marriage was mentioned.

July 2009
My petition for new visa gets approved.

December 25th, 2009, 12.20am (Indian-Standard Time)
I am sitting in my parents' house in India, in front of the same very first computer, blogging with hands full of mehendi. In 5 hours, I leave for another part of India. In 2 days, I get married to my anonymous e-mail buddy, my best friend, my boyfriend, my fiance and my soon-to-be husband........J.


Note: This is the 100% honest version of this story and only J and I knew this version, until right now. :)

Staycation

I am taking couple of days off from work this week. Nothing special. I haven't had a proper vacation since Dec 2007, I didn't get to take a proper break between finishing my PhD and starting my postdoc, and I didn't take any days off since then either. I had to work from home even during the mandatory winter break. So I am really exhausted. I would like to take a month off and go home, but can't do that because of visa issues :( I wanted to go for a vacation within US, but J can't take time off right now. This week things were little less hectic at work. So I decided to take it easy and use couple of my earned leave days that will become invalid in 2 months and just do nothing :D My labmate told me that it's called staycation :)

So for the past 2 days I am having a perfect staycation. I am getting up late, sitting on my couch most of the day, checking my work mail only twice a day and responding to only urgent stuff, doing very little work related stuff, watching lots of TV, surfing the net all day with no particular goal, and even taking afternoon nap :D

I am really bored now and want to do something more productive. I hope I can do something fun over the weekend. For now, I'll start with doing a loooooong tag that has been making rounds on facebook and blogger :)

1. Last beverage – Thai Iced tea – last night with dinner. I don’t usually drink morning coffee or tea.

2. Last phone call- Mom
- again last night

3. Last text message – Can’t remember. I rarely use text messaging



4. Last song you listened to – Bruises-by Chairlift



5. Last time you cried – Around two weeks ago. I cry all the time :)

HAVE YOU EVER.



6. Dated someone twice? – No



7. Been cheated on? – I hope not.


8. Cried yourself to sleep? – Many times. Told you, I am a cry baby :)

9. Lost someone special? – Yes.

10. Been depressed? – Not seriously depressed, just the regular sad phases that most people go through at some or other points in their lives. I bounce back pretty quick though.

11. Seen ghosts – No :)

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS.



12. Black


13. Grey


14. Blue




(yeah I’m quite boring)

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU.



15. Made new friends – It takes me a long time to call anyone ‘friend’ but yes, I made new acquaintances. 


16. Fallen out of love – No and hope I don’t :)

17. Laughed until you cried – Not really :)



18. Met someone who changed you – It’s impossible to change a perfect person :p

19. Found out who your true friends were – I think I already know.

20. Found out someone was talking about you – Yes, but nothing bad. Just two common friends talking about others in the group.



21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list – Yeah. My boyfriend is on my friends’ list you see.



22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life – I don’t add strangers, although there are few people whom I haven’t met in person, like J’s family members and some friends’ friends whom I have some good reason to interact with.

23. How many kids do you want to have – Maximum one. The world population is too high already. Besides, I am too lazy to take care of anyone. Taking proper care and giving right guidance to even one kid sounds like a huge responsibility to me!

24. Do you have any pets – No. As I said, I’m too lazy and afraid of taking responsibility of another life. I can’t even keep all my plants alive!

25. Do you want to change your name – Not really. I will loose my identity if I do so now. Besides, it’s pretty uncommon, which I like and it has a nice sentimental story attached. But if I can go back in time when my dad chose my name, I would ask him to think of a shorter and universal name :)

26. What did you do for your last birthday – Went to work. No one at work knew it was my birthday as I had joined 2 weeks ago and I don’t like to announce my own birthday. Evening was good as J brought me flowers (for the first time!!..faintly hoping not for the last time) and a chocolate cake and then took me out for dinner.

27. What time did you wake up today – 9.30 am. As I mentioned I am taking the day off from work. So there was no need to get up early :)

28. What were you doing at midnight last night – Watching Jay Leno.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for – Get my new visa and go home. Haven’t gone home for 3 years and haven’t seen my parents for 1.5 years!!!

30. Last time you saw your father – Nov 8^th 2007, when my parents were going back to India after spending two wonderful months with me.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – I think I am quite fortunate for having a pretty decent life. The only thing that will make it perfect is if I had control over each and every aspect of it :)

32. What are you listening to right now – Sound of the ticking wall clock.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – I can think of two right now.

34. What's getting on your nerves right now? Waiting for my new visa.

36. Whats your real name – Can’t tell here :)

37. Relationship Status – In a relationship.


38. Zodiac sign – Leo.

39. Male or female – Female



40. Natural Hair color? – Black.

41. Hair color now – I don’t color my hair. Main reason, I am usually too lazy to spend time on looking good. Secondly, the amount of ammonia and peroxide in those colors make me very nervous.

42. Pet Peeve – Irresponsible people, ever-complaining-ever-unhappy people.

43. Need Glasses- Surprisingly no, even after spending most of my open-eye times reading, or peeping through microscope lenses in dark rooms or staring at a computer or TV screen :)

44. Long or short – I need a more specific question than that.

45. Height – 5’ 3”



46. Do you have a crush on someone – I think I am too old to have romantic crushes. Now I only admire fine men if I rarely see one :)

47. What do you like about yourself? – Hmmm where do I start…

48. Piercings – Ears..that’s it.


49. Tattoos – No thank you.

50. Righty or lefty – Righty.

FIRSTS.



51. First surgery – None so far, thankfully.


52. First piercing – Ears. I must be 2-3 years old. I hardly remember anything about it.

53. First tattoo – Never.

54. First best friend – I don’t remember. We moved from one place to another too often when I was a kid and I can’t remember the friends I made between ages 1-5. The only friend from that age who is still a very good friend is a guy who lived next door to my grandma’s house.

55. First sport you joined – I was never too fond of sports. My earliest memory of being part of any sports would be playing cricket and badminton in the colony when I was 6-8 years old.

56. First pet – I got two gold fishes as gift once. Do they count as pet?

57. First vacation – That would be a trip to parts of Tamil Nadu when I was about a year old. No, I do not have any memories of that vacation. I know because my parents have an album full of photographs from the trip and my mom still tells stories about what I was doing when we went to so and so places :)

59. First crush- S. Age 13. I think I mentioned about him in a earlier tag.

60. First alcoholic drink – I think it was Irish-cream.

RIGHT NOW.



61. Eating – Nothing.



62. Wearing – Navy blue gym pants and sky-blue t-shirt with my grad school’s name on it.

63. I'm about to – Eat lunch.



64. Speaking to – No one. I am alone at home.

65. Waiting to – Nothing. I have no rush, no plans today. Perfect staycation day :)



YOUR FUTURE.



66. Want kids? – I thought I wanted to, but I am getting unsure the more I think about it. Out of 4 of my closest girl-friends, N and L are single, D is married but fighting with parents and in-laws about why they don't want kids anytime soon, and M, who is married with a kid tells me never to get married and have kids because she feels trapped! Having such friends don’t help much :)

67. Want to get married? – I think so. Even though I keep getting cold-feet every now and then, I guess I want our families to be more comfortable with our relationship.

68. Careers in mind? – I already have a career. Now the only choice left is Academics or Industry.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?



69. Lips or eyes – Eyes


70. Hugs or kisses – Hugs

71. Shorter or taller- Taller
than me, but not so tall that I feel like a dwarf next to him.

72. Older or Younger – Older


73. Romantic or spontaneous – Spontaneous


74. Nice stomach or nice arms – Nice stomach.

75. Tattoos or piercings- Preferably none. A tiny ear stud at max, if someone can carry it properly.

76. Sensitive or loud- Sensitive.

77. Hook-up or relationship – Relationship.

78. Trouble maker or hesitant- Trouble maker.




HAVE YOU EVER.



79. Kissed a stranger – No.

80. Drank hard liquor - Yes


81. Lost glasses/contacts – I don’t have any to loose. I almost lost my sun-glass few weeks ago in a fitting room. Fortunately remembered about it before leaving the store, and the dressing room lady still had them. From the look on her face, it looked like she was hoping to keep it for herself and was sad that I came back for it. The fact that she never made a lost-and-found announcement for half an hour supports my belief.

82. Sex on first date – No


83. Broken someones heart – I have said no to few guys. They seemed sad at that time, but don’t think anyone was seriously heart-broken. Most of them are married now and still friends, except one guy. He stopped all communication with me once he decided to get married. Most kiddish for a 28 year old, won’t you say?

84. Had your own heart broken – No, unless you count teenage crushes that never became anything more :)

85. Been arrested?- No.


86. Turned someone down – Yes.

87. Cried when someone died – Yes.

88. Got someone into trouble intentionally – No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN.



89. Yourself – Very much, but not unrealistically. I am mostly aware of my capabilities and incapabilities.

90. Miracles – Not really. I believe what we call as a miracle is just an event that has low statistical possibility of happening. But if it happens, then there must be a logical explanation to it. Maybe we still don’t have all the tools to explain it yet, but there has to be a reason.

91. Love at first sight – Surely not for me. It might work for others.


92. Heaven – No.

93. Santa Claus – No :)


94. Kissing on the first date? - No


95. Angels – No. Selfless social workers come pretty close.




ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.



96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? – I am actually enjoying my rare day alone. But yes, it would be great if I could be at home with my parents now.

97. Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend at one time? – No



98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? – I think so. You can’t feel happily in love everyday of your life, but that doesn’t mean you have to find comfort in other people whenever you are unhappy with your current partner. Commitment and being faithful needs much more determination that being in love.

99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? – Oxygen :p

100. Posting this as 100 truths? - No.