On finding THE ONE and keeping him there

No this is not a Valentine's Day post. This is about one of my closest friend who is getting married next month.

Among all my girl friends, K would definitely score the highest in any 'good wife, daughter/sister-in-law' test. She would also score the highest in being girly, romantic, caring, motherly and all such things. In short, she is the Charlotte York of our group. She has been looking for the perfect ONE since high school days, but unfortunately she has only met with severe heartbreaks.

Her high school sweetheart cut all communications with her one fine day..the day after she did not qualify for med school. She didn't even know what happened until she met a common friend who informed her of her own break-up. The guy apparently can only have a doctor wife..hence, the unannounced break-up!! (Even if I can somehow understand the shallowness..he was very young after all..I do not understand how can someone be so coward to just disappear from a relationship?). She kept hoping that he will come back to her one day, but he didn't. He married his med-school classmate after becoming doctors.

K finally started living normally after 6 years of mourning. Then she fell for another guy in her grad school. Their relationship was all nice and good, but this guy could not stand up against his mother's unfair hatred against love marriage of any kind (why does a guy get into a relationship in the first place if he knows his mother will never approve and he knows he cannot go against her? His mother had cut all contact with her own daughter because she married a man of her own choice..so he should DEFINITELY KNOW what his mother is like..but he must be in denial). He just wanted to keep waiting silently until his mother agrees to their relationship. K very graciously removed herself from the relationship saying that she does not want to be the reason for mother-son split, but she kept hoping for him to grow a backbone so that they can be together again....until he sent her his wedding invitation (they decided to remain friends, you see!).

She says she knew the first guy was academically over-ambitious and the second guy couldn't stand up for himself in any circumstances. She never thought these can end the relationships. We, her close friends, fear that she knowingly falls for guys with weak personalities. Somehow she wants to protect and take care of these people and thinks she could make them better people. In the end, they take care of themselves and leave her hanging high and dry.

After about another 5 years of mourning, K met her current fiance. They had a pretty dramatic relationship over the last 3 years including one major break-up. We friends were (to be honest, still are) very skeptical about this guy too. He broke up with her abruptly over some fight, which is not that uncommon in relationships. The thing that bugged us most was that immediately after their split, he went and asked his family to look for a girl for him to marry, and even got engaged to some girl he barely knows. Then after few months he broke that engagement, came back to K and said he was just very angry and doing those things in anger. He said that he still loves K and wants to be with her again. I don't doubt his love, but for a 30+ year old guy he surely sounds scarily impulsive to me! We cautioned K strongly when she got back with him. She assured us that there's nothing to worry about. We certainly hope she is right this time.

The wedding is next month. She is all giddy and happy, posting annoyingly mushy stuff on Facebook :) I can't help but be extremely happy for her. I just hope only good things happen for her from now on. She definitely got her share and more of tears and pain already. She deserves some uncomplicated happiness now. I have more hope in the guy's family than him actually. His sister and mother strongly supported K throughout the break-up phase and also helped in bringing them back together. So hopefully they will help in keeping him in right place for rest of the life too.

I was hoping I would be able to go home next month and attend the festivities, but good old immigration issues make it impossible..again! Anyways, she should be in US soon after the wedding. So I guess I can celebrate then.

Sending all the best wishes your way darling K....

You know technology has taken over your brain when...

...you are dreaming about something (real dream while sleeping at night), and you don't like the dream, and you imagine pressing the fast forward button on your TV remote, and the dream actually plays in fast forward mode.

Happened to me last night!!

Happy Holidays!

One more day of pretending to work and then E-L-E-V-E-N continuous days of mandatory and very happy holidays! :) Now only if the rain stops.

Lost all wisdom and totally bored now

I got all my wisdom teeth extracted on Monday, yes, all 4 of them gone for good. No more pain!!

I have been sitting at home this entire week, swollen and drugged, and I am soooooo bored. I finished all things saved on the DVR. Live TV is so lame during daytime. Looks like American channels assume that only weird people watch TV during daytime! How long can one surf the net randomly or watch youtube videos? I guess I can read a book, but don't really have any easy-read books around. It's hard to focus on serious stuff on all the painkillers.

What do stay-at-home people do keep themselves entertained? Need some easy ideas.

Can some new directions come out of my haphazard thoughts?

I still don't have that Eureka moment. Did lots of reading in last few days. Have come up with a slightly different roundabout approach of solving my problem. Not the best solution, but hope these new experiments work and at least give me some direction.

I should start writing in the meantime. 2 years completed in this post-doc. Time to write down some real papers!

Time to start thinking of jobs hunts too!!!!

The problem is that the current situation works little too well for me. Academically, my current project fits my interests and qualifications perfectly. Personally, the location of my job lets me have a regular life with J. The thought of changing the situation is not very motivating.

What if the job I like and manage to get takes me away from J? I don't want to do long distance relationship again. I have already done my share of that and more!

I know J will move with me, if we have to. But it will be a shame to ask him to do so. Silicon Valley is the best place to be for any software engineer, and he has spent so much of his life establishing himself and forming connections here. How can I ask him to start all over again?

I don't like taking up just any job. I have spent a lot of time and energy on my career too. Will I find something I like here again?

Among all these uncertainties, Mrs. M has already mentioned the baby thing twice. Bah. How can I tell a relatively stranger elderly person that the way she looks at life is not the same way I look at it? I am only used to communicating with my mother who mostly understands me (after all she made me the way I am), or I can yell at her if she even remotely acts like Mrs. Bennet. Does anyone have any suggestions on communicating with mother-in-laws, without being rude?